MoJoe ‘not sorry’ for opinons

Joe Phelps

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Maybe you didn’t read my first column. I write about things I see that unnerve me.

Do I mean what I write? Of course I do. As much as I complain and moan in my columns, I am a good guy – if you knew me personally, you would know this.

I’m not sorry if I have offended any of you, because you offended me first.

If you don’t like what I write, then you can either burn your Oracles or try not to read my column. I know it’s tempting to read when you see titles like “A Few Reasons on Exactly Why I Hate Texans” and “My Problem with Black People.”

I only have 15 issues of the Oracle to write about things that piss me off, so I probably won’t get to all of you.

Sure, there are the small things that bother me like Texans who think Texas is the land of the free and the home of the brave.

But I also have other things that constantly run through my warped mind that I will not bother writing about, simply because I live in the Bible Belt.

I have reasons why things bother me just as you have reasons for letting my column bother you.

I believe in stereotypes. Most Texans have a little too much pride in where they are from. Most Caucasians are lazy, gluttonous scumbags. Most black people like watermelon. Most Mexicans travel while packed like sardines. Most Asians are tiny people, but their intelligence makes up for what they lack physically.

Think about it this way. What is the first thing you think about when you hear the word “hippie”? I’m willing to bet the first thing you think of is long hair, tie-dye and peace signs.

You know why you think of those things? Because most hippies have long hair, wear tie-dye and throw the peace sign around like it really means something. It’s a stereotype, and for the most part it’s true.

But at the same time, not all Texans are too proud of where they are from, not all black people like watermelon, and so forth. You should understand where I’m coming from.

I look at groups and pick up on their actions, but I can also take one person from that group, get to know him and come to realize that he does not completely fit the stereotype that is associated with a certain group.

I complain in a way that is supposed to be taken quite lightly.

I am serious, but do you really think I want Texas to secede from the Union? Not really, but if Texans think their state is so great, then break away for all I care.

Humor is the spice of life. And if you can’t take a joke, then you should probably live a little.

Take your stereotype and deal with it. Laugh about it. Be proud of it, but not too proud.

If you are going to send me hate mail, at least have the courtesy to speak TO me instead of ABOUT me.

And leave the notes off of Facebook. That’s just lame.