MoJoe responds –

Joe Phelps

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Well, I was extremely impressed with your rebuttal. You had some good points. My column is a waste of ink and space. If you think you can do it better, go ahead.

I’m jealous? No, that doesn’t sum it up. I’m not jealous of the biker crowd. I have a vehicle that gets me where I need to go; and when it rains, I stay dry. I’m not jealous of this “freedom” you speak of. I don’t care if some douche-bag with a bike steals a good parking place. I had an accident that knocked me off my feet for a while, so I’m grateful to even be able to walk. I like to walk, but I think it’s stupid that there are spaces available for the bonehead bikers, but they take up the spaces that are meant for actual vehicles.

Better groomed and better looking? Okay, you got me on that one. I’m a pretty ugly dude. I admit it. I’m sure you’re much more attractive than I am. Most biker chicks are.

I’m jealous of anyone who has the financial means to pursue an interest? What’s this interest you speak of? I meant spending a “few thousand on a CROTCH ROCKET.” From what I read, you actually have a real motorcycle instead of a crotch rocket. The crotch racketeers, if you will, are the ones I was really intending to attack. Crotch rockets are nothing more than glorified dirt bikes that have the ability to travel at extremely high speeds. What kind of interest is that? Speed? Sounds more like suicide to me. I have no jealousy toward anyone who has more money than I, and I sure as hell hope they can pursue their interest – even if it is suicide.

I am the wannabe? So you’re saying that I want to be a real biker? I do not completely understand the wannabe argument, so I’ll leave that one alone. Maybe I am a wannabe in some field, but it sure as hell isn’t biking. But there ARE still some “one per centers” out there. And if the “one per centers” you’re talking about really traded in their bike and leather for a suit and a tie, that makes them a sellout, which is still better than a poser.

My bloodthirsty vision? I don’t truly want to see someone get hurt. But if one is so careless as to ride a motorcycle or crotch rocket without their hands as to say, “Look, ma! No hands!” then I would like to see some good action. Show offs. It isn’t cool. If they’re going to do stupid things like that in my space, it’s carelessness on his part. If one is careless enough to endanger both his life and mine, I could care less about his life.

I need to find something enthusiastic in my life? I have something enthusiastic in my life – it’s just too mushy. I have a gorgeous, loving wife that tolerates my “sadistic” humor; and I also have the most precious 11-month-old daughter that has ever crawled the face of the earth. Why don’t I write about loving wives and precious babies, you wonder? Because, no one really cares about how great my personal life is. I write about things I see that are silly. Some bikers and most crotch rocketeers are silly.

I’m glad you care enough about what you love that you are defending your passion. Not many of them will. It’s probably because they’re not real bikers

I don’t know what kind of bike you ride, but it seems to me that you actually have a motorcycle and not one of those glorified dirt bikes. But if you have a big, loud hawg or a tire-screeching crotch rocket, then you better be that long-haired, swastika-wearin’ redneck that I wrote of, because most DECENT people should respect the peace of others. If you have a normal-sized motorcycle and you’re not out to show off, you are okay in my book. Sorry that I didn’t articulate exactly which bikers annoy me.

I’m glad you actually FEEL something when you ride. It doesn’t seem to me that many bikers do. It seems to me that most bikers have a bike so they can say, “Look at me! I’m a badass!”

I really hate to take this in another direction, but: I’d love for you to add me to your prayers. But let me ask you this: what denomination supports prayers of “never meeting u with” someone? It seems to me that you would want to meet up with me so you can preach the precious word of Jesus Christ. Seems to me that you would want to meet me so your good Christian character could rub off on my sadistic character. But I guess I’m unworthy of your presence and your religion. That’s funny – I’ve gotten that my whole life.

One last thing. I hate to break it to you, but there are plenty of people that think the same way I do. It’s just that not all of them have the guts to have their blatant, petty opinions published. Keep them in your prayers as well.

You have gained my respect as a “real biker.” I’m sure that by now any possible respect I could have gained was lost after you read my column. That’s okay. I’m not Aretha Franklin.