Romeo and the tractor

Bunky on accidental and purposeful adultery and its punishments

Opinion by Bunky Raines, Student Reporter

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In a paper called the Trading Post in my hometown of Mena, I read an ad that read as follows:

“Husbands and boyfriends, be careful who your women hire to work around the house. There’s a handyman with tractor, may be interested in something else, especially if you’re not getting along. This predator lies about being married and has small children.”

Dude seriously needed an editor.

Imagine the pain of finding out that your wife has been getting plowed by a man with a tractor.

What does the poster have to gain by this, I wonder? Does he really think he’s exposing some redneck Romeo who’s setting out to work for hot women?

I think it more likely that Romeo’s philosophy was more like that of the actual Romeo, who before going to the party where he met Juliet said “May he who hath the steerage of my course direct my sail” And look what I found!

Perhaps our poor poster’s wife is just promiscuous. My question is this: Why does the man whose wife cheated on him always point the finger at the dude?

We’re men. We’re powerless to resist the temptation of women. What else was Romeo supposed to do with this woman who was coming on to him?

If your wife cheats, you have a problem with her, not the guy she cheated with. The guy is just doing what guys do. He doesn’t have a choice in the matter.

He does what his master commands, and he doesn’t owe you a thing. Your wife, though, shemade vows to give it to you and only you until death do us part.

I fall on this side of the argument because I have been Romeo. It’s not my proudest moment, but I’ll cop to it.

A very attractive female, who likes guitar players hit me up on facebook asking if I gave lessons. I didn’t realize that she was the girlfriend of an old buddy of mine until after I had already received the pictures, and by that time it was too late.

Fast forward to six months later. I was coming out of a Simple Simon’s to get into my car, walking happily with my kids. I had a pizza in my hand…when this crazed dude came running up and slammed me into the door of my black Ford Explorer, halfway to the sitting position.

While I was smashed and unable to move, but still somehow holding the unharmed pizza in my right hand, he took the opportunity to throw elbows at my unprotected face.

The cops did nothing. I think they thought I got what I deserved. I’m wondering now if maybe it was one of them who posted this ad in the trading post.

And, you know, maybe I did get what I deserved. I don’t know if they were justified in allowing a violent criminal to get away with assaulting me in front of my children, but I’m not bitter about it.

I knew what I was doing when I walked down through that warm valley of death. I knew there may be consequences. They could’ve been worse.

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Romeo and the tractor